When I first heard the word codependency, my immediate reaction was: " That is not me." I am personally responsible. I don't rely on others. I get things done.
Sound familiar?
Here's what I didn't know. Psychotherapist Terri Cole describes a specific kind of codependency that lives inside high achievers. She calls it overfunctioning: compulsively taking on the responsibilities, emotions, outcomes, and tasks of the people around you, for people who are perfectly capable of handling them themselves.
That was me. For years.
How do you know if this is you?
#1 The Compulsion to Fix. You reflexively jump in with unsolicited advice, treating other people's problems like a five-alarm fire. I used to believe I needed to have all the answers.
What I didn't realize was that I was feeding my ego and building my identity around being "the person who had it all together."
#2 Disordered Boundaries. You take responsibility for things that are entirely "on the other side of the street."
This showed up most clearly in my closest relationships. And the painful irony? I ended up resentful that no one was there to help me. But I had taught them I didn't need help. I never asked. I always over-extended. I wasn't cleaning up my side of the street.
#3 The "If I Don't Do It, It Won't Get Done" Mentality. You carry a quiet anxiety that if you step away, things will fall apart.
This showed up the moment I became a manager. Empowering my team was an afterthought. At the time, control felt like competence.
#4 Surface-Level Perfection. You look like you have it all together. Reliable, detail-oriented, highly capable. But inside? Exhausted, burned out, and quietly resentful.
I felt this repeatedly. Even after a vacation, I was still burned out.
Where do you start?
Self-awareness. Ask yourself honestly:
Am I frequently giving unsolicited advice or automatically fixing other people's problems?
Do I feel like things won't get done if I step away?
Am I experiencing physical exhaustion, resentment, or burnout as a result of my daily output?
If you said yes to even one of those, you've got some work to do, my friend.
What this costs you as a leader:
Here's what nobody talks about: overfunctioning doesn't just exhaust you. It actively disempowers the people around you. When you swoop in and fix before others can even try, you signal that you don't trust them. You block their growth. You breed dependency instead of capability.
And in leadership, that is a tax your whole organization pays.
The teams that thrive are led by people who have learned to hold back, ask questions, delegate with confidence, and let others rise. That is not natural for overfunctioners. It feels like dropping the ball. It isn't. It's actually leading.
Start with a simple audit:
Look at your home life and your work life. Where are you doing more than your share?
Write it down: your team, your family, your relationships.
Then make a second list of what you can step back from, delegate, or ask for help with. Start with the lowest-stakes relationships first. Let people show up. You might be surprised.
One circumstance at a time. That is how the pattern ends.
Overfunctioning cost me years of unnecessary exhaustion and resentment before I finally named it. Coaching helped me see it clearly and stop treating control like a leadership strategy.
If this resonated, I'd love to know where it showed up for you. Drop it in the comments or send me a message. These are the conversations that actually move us forward.
Always here to challenge you and cheer you on,
Carmen Ohling
CEO, The Amplified Life Company
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